somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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