Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
