I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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