i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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