if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish life had little blips of pornography
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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