She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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