Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
