You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
