You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
