I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
