need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
