I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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