how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
