Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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