I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
