And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
