my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
