I have demons in me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize