My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
