I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
