roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think i have two assholes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
