Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
