I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is my gift to your gina
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
