talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
