is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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