Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I understand Curling. That high.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
