im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
