YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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