do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize