First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
