The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
