EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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