erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
