i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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