I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
