From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
