wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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