Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
me + whiskey = a bad person
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize