I CAN MOONWALK!
I smell stomach acid.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
