The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
