Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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