whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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