Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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