Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
