My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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