And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
