I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
