I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
