I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
