Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
