So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
