did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
