Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
