This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you had me at cake vodka
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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