Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we should paint friendship bongs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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