MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
