I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
