Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
