Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My liver just had a heart attack.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
