my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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