I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
