I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
