Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
